This is the fourth part of my mini-series. Links to the three previous are at the bottom of the page. It would be helpful to read them in order. Or backwards. Doesn’t matter to me. The following involves some very personal details that took place at a very dark time in my life. If I could help one person by sharing, I would be happy. Thanks for reading!
Be wary of half-truths. You may get the wrong half.
What followed in the weeks and months to come was a whirlwind of emotions. The brutal realities of being treated like a second-class human, all because I disclosed some things of my past. I was now considered damaged goods, never to be considered righteous enough, or together enough. If I would have had my head on straight, I would’ve made my exit right then and there. But I was too emotionally invested to see the “writing on the wall” and I had the family to worry about, foremost. I fought as hard as I could reason with the leadership, a leadership I would later learn was corrupt, hiding behind their strict religious environment. Denials by them as to how I was being treated turned into lapses of truth. Lapses of truth became outright lies. Afterwhile the leadership couldn’t even keep their homegrown narrative straight among themselves.
Calling them out for what it really was… big mistake on my part. The severity of the accusations against myself and the family were horrible. Things no father would ever want to be accused of. Absolutely sickening things. I was an emotional wreck on Sunday mornings. While most people look forward to the weekend, I did not. The few people I confided in (outside of the SRE) told me I needed to get out, that there is life after being part of a SRE. That how I was being treated and the things being done to the family was wrong. And yes, they used their networking ability to harass our older children. It was spiritual abuse. It was abuse of power. No one deserves that. Shortly thereafter I stopped attending church almost entirely. I couldn’t do it any more. I was at one of my darkest parts of my life.
Very few people reached out from this particular group. When they did and wondered what had happened and where I’ve been, I described what I had gone through, things said to me, things said to my wife, things done to my family. They repeated the narrative they were told from leadership, that I was anti-authority and didn’t want to comply with the standards of that group. Really? I am not anti-authority, I am against corrupt authority. And I have nothing against standards, I am against double standards. Both individuals who reached out promised they would look into it. Guess what? Never heard a word ever again. I later discovered that leadership’s reply to anyone inquiring about my whereabouts was “he must be on drugs.”
The leadership of that SRE had won. They got their wish. Another “undesirable” was chased off from their super-exclusive church. Now they could go back to playing church, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside… that the guy that had an out-of-the-ordinary past and who made the mistake in admitting he struggled with his mental health… is gone, no longer to burden them with his attendance. Won’t have to great him after church, shake his hand, or Heaven forbid, talk to him. The leaper has been cast out!
I hope they threw a celebration party over their victory.
(I am planning one more and hopefully finale part to this series…. God bless!)
Milepost 81 