This is the third and final installment in this series. These are very sensitive subjects and faith-based resources are hard to come by for parents. I hope & pray that this series would someday help guide other parents through a family crisis like this. Feel free to comment or ask questions. May God add his blessing. – Steve
You and your wife are now sitting in front of the investigating case worker and her immediate supervisor. To say the atmosphere is tense is an understatement. The children are waiting in the hallway, anxious to go home, the older ones trying to keep the restless younger ones under control. You can hear all this commotion from within the office.
The caseworker begins by telling you of the allegations. Allegations that at this point should be considered just that. Someone is accusing someone else. Some very course yet vague terms are thrown around that causes the mother to cringe and the father to shake his head in disbelief. Asking who did what to who is useless. Asking for further details is just as useless. “I made a promise not to tell” is the constant response. The only certainty is there was more than one victim implicated. Three of your daughters were victims of abuse. Timelines of this abuse, you are told, are foggy, could have been yesterday. Could have been six years ago. You will hear “I made a promise” as a convenient cop-out.
You are told that a final decision as to whether further action will be taken will be determined in a meeting that will happen next week. Get used to that term, “next week.” It will become the universal phrase that means anything from seven days from now, or four weeks from now, and anything in between. As mentioned, get ready to hurry up and wait… a lot.
The supervisor explains what steps happen next. Depending on what happens “next week” determines whether the entire “investigation” is dropped, or they move forward. Moving forward? What’s next? They make little references to the police getting involved. References to your son having a record of child abuse, references to the sex offender registry… but hey, depending what happens “next week,” this whole thing could just wash out to sea!
Wash out to sea? Again, another thing to watch out for: everyone will insinuate that there is a glimmer of hope that the entire situation will come to a halt and all will be well, your son can come back home and your family can be a family again. Another reference to be careful of is the time-frames you are given. They will insinuate that this will be “all over with in three months, max.” Again, be careful.
The ride home will be most awkward: the parents will whisper questions to each other in the front seat: “how did we miss this?” and “what has been happening in our home all this time?” Questions that really can’t be answered here. Or anywhere.
In closing, I will re-enforce the following:
- Be prepared to do a lot of “hurry up and wait.” CPS will demand immediate action from you, but they will take their grand ‘ol time responding to your phone calls and emails.
- Remember, CPS has a job to do. And they have a supervisor to answer to if they don’t. Be respectful but firm.
- Be wary of time frames you are given: “next week” can mean anything from seven days to anything beyond that.
- Most importantly: beware of false hopes. Here is where you “hope for the best but prepare for the worst.”
Milepost 81 