The first 24 hours after notification will be a complete whirlwind of confusion, embarrassment and tons of questions that have no real answers. You will suffer initial shock which will blend into embarrassment. Guilt may enter the picture perhaps after the embarrassment stage. You will wonder how you as a parent missed the signs, what on God’s green earth has been happening right under your nose, and you may have some bitterness towards the perpetrator, the victims, and possibly both at the same time. Did I mention confusion? There will be a lot of that.
In all likelihood, child protective services (CPS) got involved at this point. If not, they should be, which I’ll explain why in another post. They may come to you, in our case we had to go to them. Add distrust of the “system” to your inventory of emotions. You will feel a lot of things, one layered on top of the other. I know of no other way to explain it. CPS will come off very firm and strong on the phone, which in all likelihood will be your first contact with them. You can explain as much away on the phone, try as you might. It might feel like the right thing to do, but you’re wasting your breath here.
CPS will come across that they care about the victim, care about you as a parent and so on. Remember, they have a job to do and if they don’t do it right, they have to answer to a supervisor and possibly someone higher as to why they didn’t follow through. There are reasons for everything they say. They are investigators, maybe not law enforcement, but they can make things miserable for all involved in order to get the answers they want. Cooperate, but stand your ground. They’re not your friend or ally: they are just doing their job.
Milepost 81 