Much has been on my mind the past few weeks as I watch other families deal with a family crisis or a sudden challenge that stretches a family thin. In our particular situation, the actual event is a drop I the bucket compared to the range of emotions that play out afterward. Spouses have to manage their own emotions and mental well-being, all the while closely monitoring the emotional & mental state of the children. This can become a daunting task!
I believe my wife and I experienced every emotion known to humankind, plus a few we never knew existed. And we both experienced them in different orders, for varying lengths of time. Some emotions were revisited as developments in our situation arose. There were times we could have been upset with each other: Why is she still dwelling on that? We should be way past that! Or vice-versa, Why was I in such a hurry to accept and move forward? Don’t I care about anyone else?
It all comes down to respect: men and women are “wired” different and therefore will respond in different ways. One spouse may look more realistically and appear calm towards the situation while the other may show more outward emotion.
The children are also a piece of the process. Mom and dad are outwardly “wound tight.” Perhaps some not-so-nice comments are made at each other. Maybe some voices got raised in situations that normally wouldn’t warrant it. There were times I just needed to cry. Yes, a grown man crying! There were times when simply needed to go to a quiet, neutral place and talk it out. Personally, I’m a pacer and I find walking really helped to process things when it became overwhelming. But I can assure you the night is darkest before dawn, and a brighter day is ahead! God is good!
Milepost 81 